2020-June-11

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You Can’t Be What You Can’t See

BY RACHELLE DOUGLAS · GLOBAL MARKETING AND CORPORATE COMMUNICATIONS · AUSTRALIA

I am a gay woman based in the Cisco Melbourne, Australia office.

I started at Cisco way back in 2008. Not long after joining, I began dating another woman for the first time. Prior to this, I had been in one long term relationship with a man which started when I was quite young. I had experienced same-sex attraction, but since I was keen to get married and have children, I did not see a same-sex relationship as an option for me.

When I was growing up, there were little to no examples of same-sex families. It wasn’t until those examples started appearing in mainstream media that allowed me to open my mind to the fact that perhaps I could be in a relationship with another woman and still have a family.

As they say, “You can’t be what you can’t see.” This is why I believe that being visible and open about who you are is so important.

By sharing stories, we can help others feel comfortable being themselves. Those early years were very hard for me, I certainly did not feel able to bring my whole self to work at that time. I was coming to terms with who I was. For some people, that takes a long time. It certainly did for me.

There were days at work when I didn’t even want to go to the office kitchen for coffee because I worried about bumping into people and having to get into a conversation about what I did on the weekend. I wanted to avoid talking about my personal life whenever possible. There are times when you feel different, and you feel people will judge you for who you are.

When I finally started to accept and love myself for who I am, I actually considered leaving Cisco.

In my mind, I thought it would be easier to start fresh somewhere else and just announce from day one that I am gay! But when I thought about how great Cisco is, it would be such a shame to run away. I am so glad I persisted.

My journey in sharing the real me started in small steps. The first thing I did was grab a coffee with my manager.  He no longer works at Cisco, but many will remember him as one of the kindest and most generous people you can ever meet. I told him I was in a relationship with a woman — I still recall how nervous I was. I needn’t have been because he was supportive and wonderful as I should have expected him to be.

From there, I slowly confided in more people until eventually, I realised that it’s okay to be who I am. There are more similarities between all us humans than differences. No matter what type of relationship you are in, we tend to have the same joys and challenges. We can all relate to each other.

Many years later, Australia has achieved marriage equality, and I am happy to say I am now engaged to my partner Genevieve. Two years ago, we became parents to a beautiful little boy who came to us through the child protection system.

We are still going through the process of becoming his permanent guardians — it has been the most incredible experience but also very stressful. I have been blessed to have the full support of my Cisco colleagues throughout this process. I am very proud of my rainbow family!

My partner and I have been going through IVF to try to have our own biological child. This again is an emotional rollercoaster, and I have been fortunate to be fully transparent with my manager through this process. She has given me her full support when I have needed to attend medical procedures and appointments.

As a company, Cisco fully recognizes that there are many different paths to parenthood, both within and outside of the LGBTQI+ community. I have been given so much love and support from my colleagues on this journey.

I would like to acknowledge that my story is told through the lens of the many privileges that I have. For many people out there who may be reading this in other parts of the world, it may not be safe for them to speak out the way I can.

There are still many people who are not in a position to bring their whole self to work. What I would like to say to them is start small. Try to make small steps towards living your authentic truth even if it’s just finding one person to confide in initially.

I have hope that one day, everyone will be safe and comfortable to be able to live their lives openly. I am proud to work for a company that encourages an inclusive future and empowers us to be our true selves.

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